When I look back on my life…

I can see that it has been one constant journey, with a series of curious excursions. I was born in High Point North Carolina. By age 10, I had resided in 9 different locations in 3 different states. Being on the move made me hope that my next stop would be a place called home. That next stop in my journey was St. Louis Missouri; the place I ended up calling home. St. Louis is a town built on down-to-earth Midwest sensibilities. Growing up I was a pom-pom girl, in drama club, a member of the student council. From the outside looking in, it appeared that I had everything, the All-American girl. Beneath the façade of happiness and everyday routine hid a dark secret that I still carry with me today. A secret of abuse by my father. A secret of a home that was void of trust and security. As a young girl, living and negotiating with that secret fueled my independence, grit, and desire to take charge of my life. It took many years to cultivate the courage and confidence to trust myself and make my life my own. I learned that I had a personal choice to make. I could look back in anger and frustration or to look forward with hope and love. I choose a life of love, kindness and lots of laughter.

I choose to have a positive attitude that impacts my family, friends, and everyone who surround me. No child or adult goes through this type of pain, fear and confusion alone; it affects everyone. I could not have made the life-changing choices I made alone, because it’s impossible to handle alone. It really does take a village.

the miracle next door

My first lessons in silent empathy, spirituality, and having a true sense of belonging came from next door. Mrs. Commuso, an elderly widow, saw through my façade. With simple gestures of kindness and friendship, she reached me to my core. While we never discussed what was happening in my home, I always felt she knew. She knew that words would get in the way and that a heavy dose of kind gestures would bring me the peace of mind I needed.

Sunday afternoons after church, she would light a fire in her fireplace and prepare lunch for us.

Most of the time, before she came back with our sandwiches, I would be asleep in front of the fire. A relaxing sleep in my own bed in my own home no longer existed. This beautiful ritual with Mrs. Commuso went on for many years until I left home in pursuit of myself. Mrs. Commuso inspired me, gave me a safe space to find myself. A more powerful me was in there hiding all along. And now that the more 'empowered me' had been liberated, I knew I was not alone.

I can’t say enough kind words about the influence of my Mother, Joyce.

My Mother hadn’t been aware of my abuse, thinking back, she was a victim as much as I was. I know she carries that burden with her. But don’t feel sorry for us, my mom is a “scrapper” and refused to let me fail or herself fail. She has the kindest heart, many of her friends call her St. Joyce. I just call her Mom. As a child she didn’t shower me with 'I Love You' out loud but I knew every day how much she loved me. My brother and I often blame her German heritage for being tight lipped. Her actions of love in my case spoke much louder than words. Over time I began to understand the complexity of my Mother’s life, her hopes, dreams, and fears. Through it all my Mother showed me what 'unconditional love' looked and felt like.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Sometimes the impact of one person can give the strength of thousands. As a young woman I always wanted to be a Lawyer, I wanted to defend the defenseless and defend what I saw as justice. After my parents divorced, I planned to study International Business at the University of New York followed by Law School. Although my journey to becoming a lawyer veered off course, deep in my heart I still have a passion to the protect the innocent and pursue the truth.

In 1993, Ruth Bader Ginsburg was appointed Supreme Court Justice. While she wasn’t the first female on the Supreme Court, her undying commitment to transform the legal status of women in America got my attention. Judge Ginsburg didn’t have an easy journey; she was on a journey of one.

She was on a journey that had posted signs like, 'We don't hire women.' Her older sister died while she was a baby and her mother died of cancer before she graduated High School. She was outspoken, intelligent, and challenged traditional assumptions of a 'woman’s place.' She redefined equal rights for women. I was especially drawn to her unique relationship with her mother, Celia. Ruth was taught to strive for excellence in her life, in her studies and to be an independent thinker. These teachings paid off, as they say, the rest is history.

I take to heart in the wisdom of Judge Ginsburg. Anger, envy, and resentment are a complete waste of my energy and are a really bad investment. While it takes time to change, to grow, it doesn’t happen all at once. As we all know, change and personal evolution is a work in progress. The more we share our struggles, doubts, and fears, the stronger we all become.

no guts, no glory

My journey veered left and right like most journeys do. I abandoned the glory of becoming a lawyer and attending University of New York. My father’s abuse followed me. It was unending and relentless, and he blocked my path like an eclipse blotting out my future and the many hopes I had held so close. One day, I followed my gut and decided I had had enough. I stood up and confronted my father, breaking the cycle. Armed with a newfound confidence and certitude, I took charge of my life.

That day and that moment is frozen in my memory; it will never thaw. I placed my belongings in my car, left the car engine running, and waited anxiously for his troubling return. I decided that running away in panic and leaving a note was not how I wanted it to end. I needed to be face-to- face with him, look him in the eyes. My father had a 45-caliber handgun he left behind in our apartment. He came home that day and entered our apartment. With gun in hand I told him this was all over. Calmly, I walked past him to my car. After tossing the gun away, I drove non-stop from Albany, New York to St. Louis Missouri and never ever looked back. He did not follow. I share this not to heighten the intensity of my situation, rather to admit that having a gun in my hand to confront my father provided the courage I needed.

I took control of my life and enlisted in the Army. My Mother gave me her full support. Even though I weighed in under 100 pounds, I still had a 'just watch me' attitude. I believed the distance and experience would have a 'cleansing' effect on me. The next 6 years were spent learning and growing in ways I never expected. My sleep was still uncomfortable and erratic, that never changed. I spent time with the 101st Airborne Division and the 2nd Infantry Division (Korea). With the 101st, I was deployed to Saudi Arabia and Iraq for Operation Desert Shield and Desert Storm. As a legal specialist, I spent a lot of time supporting the Criminal Law Division, which for me was therapeutic. I developed a real skill for operations, logistics, and manifests by ensuring we always knew the 'where' and 'why' of 4,000 soldiers. Their lives were in my hand, my responsibility.

The Army teaches you a lot of things about leadership, courage, endurance, and friendship. You learn while under stress, under combat, under fire, and under pressure. Those hard-earned lessons become part of your DNA, they become who you are. I learned something about secrets too. As a child and young woman, I was conditioned to keep my secrets to myself. But in battle, side-by-side with fellow soldiers and friends, nothing is ever a secret. I learned that survival depends on honesty and trust.

I served with an amazing group of 18 women who lived in one tent; we referred to ourselves as the PMS Brigade. Our fearless leader was Master Sergeant Kathy O’Dell. She was career Army and as tough and driven as any man I had ever met. She was a calm, steady force, but when needed she would give you a swift kick in the butt. Until the battle started, boredom and homesickness were our biggest challenges.

The real battle started and ended within days. I spent my 23rd birthday in Iraq wearing a gas mask and resting a rifle across my arm. I heard artillery fired from behind me and watched the flares land in front of me. The second they touched the horizon, the mortars started exploding; rattling my bones. All the while, Kathy kept us focused and motivated. On one occasion, she reminded us that if the generals had let us (the PMS Brigade) go in months ago, we would already be on our way home.

While I was a world away, my mother air-mailed her love to me and even adopted my entire unit. Every soldier, from my Commander to the newest private, received care packages. My Mother would send me letters almost everyday. The letters would often arrive late or in bunches; I would try to read them in order so as not to jump ahead of my mother’s words. I also found myself playing the role of caregiver to my fellow soldiers. This need to comfort and connect with them on a deeper level carries over to today. Teaching them how to communicate with each other and loved ones was my job.

Certainly, my childhood shaped my desire to empower others and to find love and express love.

Sometimes, it is the small gestures that accumulate into big things. Our 'postcards' showed photos of soldiers, exotic birds, snakes, our humble tents, and our Mars-like environment. We left a space to write a brief message. For some soldiers the words where a simple MISS YOU. For others the words poured out all over the postcard, some drew cartoons. But they all found a personal way to share their love in their own words.

The flight home from Iraq was just like the Budweiser commercial, Salute.

We had a layover in New York. As I deplaned, I felt my hand being squeezed. I looked up into the eyes of a Vietnam-era soldier who had come home to hatred and protests. I saw the crying eyes of my Sergeant Major, his hands were shaking and he looked as if he would be physically ill. I remember his sobs when we entered the airport to deafening applause and screams of a cheering crowd. That feeling of being Welcomed Home with such emotion is something I will never ever forget. I felt like I finally really did return home. That emotional feeling also belonged to other soldiers who fought before me; those who did not make it home or weren’t welcomed home.

After six years on active duty, I joined the Illinois National Guard as a part-time soldier and full-time student. I served as the Chief Legal Non-Commissioned Officer for the Illinois National Guard. All while building my marketing 'cred' and raising my daughter. Then, I became the Senior Instructor at the Military Academy. Later, the Operations Sergeant of a Chemical Battalion and retired as the First Sergeant of a Chemical Company. I’m very proud of my 20 years served and retired in the Military. That experience gave me a PhD in Humanity, Leadership, and Tenacity. Not to mention battle-tested skills in Operations. Today, I’m immensely grateful that these life lessons continue to serve me.

You Call That Work?

I look at myself as a brand, and at times, a Crusader. My work is a reflection of my beliefs and my positive attitude. I am forever committed to doing work that matters. I’m a champion for the empowerment and enlightenment of all women. I strive to take absolutely nothing and no one for granted. War, work, and real life teaches you that. I have the determination and the discipline of a soldier, the sensitive heart and kindness of my Mother, and the empathy of Mrs. Commuso. That’s a lot to live up to but I’m trying everyday.

In September of 1995, I joined Busch Creative Services, as an administrative manager. In 11 years, I was promoted four times. Eventually, I left as the Director of the largest mobile marketing fleet in the nation. I thought I had learned all about the boy’s club in the Army but it paled in comparison to working at a brewery, managing a fleet of Mobile Marketing Vehicles. With the guidance and championing of a handful of people to whom I will forever be grateful, it was the ride of my life. But it was time for yet another ride.

After moving my daughter Sam and I to the East Coast, I found myself as the Vice President of an experiential marketing company. Our small, scrappy team developed programs which turned the marketing world upside down. I worked on programs that are now taught in college marketing classes. I’ve won awards and earned the praise in my industry. But at the end of the day doing meaningful work with friends is a dream job.

New England was new to me. I was alone with my young daughter Sammi and knew no one! I was told New Englanders were standoffish and cold; the polar opposite of Midwesterners. None of that was true. Ladies I barely knew came to my rescue and rallied around Sammi and me. Not only were they the friends and confidantes I needed, but they also became my daughter's backup caretakers. They even vetted the man I would soon to marry.

DALLAS

Life and Love have unexpected ways of changing our course. Three weeks after I got married, we packed up and moved to a suburb of Dallas. My husband had been relocated by his employer, Perot Systems, which shortly after became a division of Dell. It was the catalyst for my next adventure.

The first year we lived in Dallas, I worked remotely for an agency, but daily struggles forced me to take action. In June of 2012, I found my first client and started my own marketing agency. I spent the first year traveling non-stop. I landed a consulting client, a national tour, and was hired by my previous agency to complete programs I had been an integral part in producing. When the projects were finished I finally came up for air and realized two things. First, the guy I hired to bring in business hadn’t delivered so I didn’t have any work. Second, I didn’t have any girlfriends in my new home, no support group. My husband and daughter had made friends; they went to work and school each day. I was now home all day and felt alone for the first time in a long time. I had met people; I just hadn’t built the types of relationships I had in the past and I missed that.

Girlfriends

Growing a business and creating an infrastructure of people I could count led me down a difficult yet rewarding path. It took courage I never knew I had. I called eight women I knew in Dallas and invited them to join me for a glass of wine and an opportunity to make new friends. The women I invited were at different stages in their careers and lives.

That night I found my voice and my purpose. We talked for hours! From the beginning, I knew it wasn’t a typical networking group. By the end of the evening, I found the courage to tell the ladies what was happening with my business. As soon as I said it, I felt that it wasn’t as insurmountable as it had originally felt. With their encouragement and counsel, I was up for the challenges of starting my own business.

Looking back to that night, I think I shocked them with my honesty when I shared my business concerns. That honesty instantly broke down the emotional barriers and we all opened up and talked about what we needed from one another. It felt empowering for us all. From that night, we have grown to a group of 260 strong. Our group includes: a corporate CEO, a top-rated financial advisor, and several ladies in the oil business. We also have a nurse, a pharmacist, and others who founded non-profits. Also, small business owners, direct marketers, authors and speakers. Many are employed for small to large companies. We also have teachers, retirees and even stay at home moms looking to get into the workforce again. Each lady offers something different and is valuable in her own way.

Our differences are our strengths and the desire to keep learning from each other is our gift to each other.

My Greatest Fan, Sammi

Having your son or daughter be your greatest supporter is an amazing gift. Often, those who achieve a certain level of success pay a price for that success. It is often at the expense of family. I often ask myself if I have really earned this unconditional love from her. I also have a deeper understanding of my own Mother; what she went through, how she supported me, and how she shared her love.

Sam has been through it all with me. I treasure that mom to daughter, girl to girl, woman to woman, friend to friend bond. Sam is my best friend and also my business partner. We share in our failures and successes equally.

I called my daughter 'Sam' until the day she was born; the moment I held her she instantly became Sammi. She didn’t just call me mommy, she always called out 'Mommy, Mommy, Mommy,' like a chant. When she was little, she would occasionally call me Mom instead of Mommy. I would call her Sam and instantly I was back to Mommy. The day she left for college, she reinvented herself and now goes by Sam.

I remember the first time she said I LOVE YOU without any prompt or reason. Just sheer joy. We were at the Magic House in St Louis, I had taken a day off to spend with her. We were having a fabulous time full of laughter and giggles. At one point she was running through the yard and came to a sudden stop. She turned to me and said “I love you, mommy” then continued on. I had to wipe away a few tears that came from deep inside me and then ran to catch up to her. I wonder if those words 'I love you, mommy' and that deep connection between mother and daughter is what I had been waiting to hear my entire life. I can still see that glorious look on her face and hear her little girl voice.

Sam has always had the words of wisdom to bring me to tears. When Sam was 6, she hid my phone because I talked on it too much. For a time, shortly after I started my agency, Sam would leave me 'love' notes on the door for me to find before a 6am flight. It was the note she left on my desk as she left for college that left me sobbing:

Mom as long as I can remember, you’ve told me you couldn’t be my best friend because you had to be my parent. Now that I’m leaving for college, can you be my best friend? You’ve always been mine.

My greatest joy is being Sam’s mom, and she is my proudest accomplishment. She is my heart and my world.

A Little Guidance on Life

No life is lived without pain, loss, or sorrow. In those moments of struggle, it can be difficult to understand how pain and fear can transform our lives. The phrase “no pain no gain” is more than an anecdote. Reinvention and transformation are part of living a life well lived. I’ve reinvented myself over the years and my life has reinvented me. What matters are the choices we make, the reaction, how we choose to see it, feel it and express it. Every day we wake to make choices that will dictate our day and future outcomes. And those small choices we make create patterns and habits of behavior and beliefs. We choose how we live. We can choose to live as a casualty, or a survivor. We can choose to live a life of self-doubt or we can embrace a life of unconditional love. Making the positive choice isn’t easy. I choose to live a life surrounded by love, laughter, and positive attitudes. Each morning when I wake up, I choose gratitude for all the blessings in my life. Some mornings are harder than others, but I allow myself to pause, breathe and reflect. And like the sunrise, gratitude shows up right on time. I’ve exploited my struggles to fuel my life and to empower myself to do more. I’ve demanded more of myself. My struggles have made me stronger, more hopeful and more empathetic. The gifts in my life fill me with love, joy and wonder. I hope other women can find the courage, inner strength and tenacity to turn their struggles into personal strengths.

The Birth of MOGXP

Starting a business is not for the lazy or the faint at heart.

In one year, I got married, changed my name, moved, and started a marketing company. I went from being a leader and working for some of the largest brands in the world, to being unknown. I don’t suggest attempting to digest this much change in 365 days to my clients.

We all have days that we don’t want to get up for work. But when the joy is missing completely, we know it’s time to move on. I remember feeling physically ill Sunday nights; knowing I had to go back to work on Monday morning. Even though I was working remotely, it was time to make a change. And so I did. After all my years at an agency, I wanted to do something else. For some marketers, it is all about the big idea and creativity. But for me it’s about orchestrating an experience and how it brings the creative to life.

‘Marketing Operations Group’ was the least sexy name for an agency ever. But the name let other creative agencies we work with know we weren’t playing in their space. We’ve recently recreated ourselves and rebranded to MOGXP (Marketing Operations Group Experiential). While we still want to maintain our unique position, our expertise led us to take a more holistic approach. We embrace and thrive within integrated teams; it’s when we shine and when we do our best work. No matter how a client defines our role, we always work as partners, co-workers, and collaborators. We help clients translate their complex marketing strategy into a bold, reimagined future. Owning a small business is a struggle. It’s like putting the right pieces of a puzzle back together at the right time. Like so many small businesses, we had some really bad days. But the amazing days outnumber and outlive the struggles. One of the most amazing days was launching the Rite Aid – Folds Of Honor DreamShip. It was an 80’ hot air balloon which displayed artwork drawn by recipients of a ‘Folds of Honor’ Scholarship. Children of fallen and disabled military heroes were asked to draw a picture of what they wanted to be when they grew up. The 130 images became the fabric panels of a hot air balloon that traveled the country. Each time the DreamShip launched, so did the children’s dreams and the hopes.

The Army taught me so many skills. Who would have thought that it would teach me two important things about marketing? The first lesson in marketing is operations and logistics. My background in helps me manage complicated events which require checklists and a thousand moving parts. I literally have checklists that have checklists. The second is communications. As an instructor, I learned how to engage people and how to change my message or approach in order to be heard. That’s exactly what experiential marketing does! We utilize pop-ups, concerts, sporting events, trade shows, PR stunts, or a dozen other methods to reach people. We provide them with a one-on-one, intimate experience with a brand. There is no shortcut for creating an authentic personal and memorable experience. When you focus on humanity, passion, and emotion extraordinary experience becomes a reality.

The secret to success

I don’t pretend to be all things to all brands, clients, or people. I learned over time that I’m at my best when I’m strategizing and planning. I’ve found my sweet spot and my groove and I stay in my lane. Knowing what you do best and where you shine is a shortcut to success. Many of us take in a little insight or knowledge and become experts overnight. We spread ourselves thin and find ourselves overwhelmed or lost in the weeds.

Learning to know when to lead, when to guide, when to nudge, and when to sit quiet is an art. And art often takes time to develop. Learning to work in diverse teams on diverse projects, with diverse challenges is critical to success.

Find your unique skill set, nurture it, develop it, invest heavily in it, improve it, and become a virtuoso.